Learning to Trust Again

One of the best things about being in the States was being able to let my guard down, though it was incredibly hard to do and took me most of my trip to truly relax. I realize not every part of the country has the low crime rate as the places we spent our time. It's amazing how easily you can take for granted the privilege of leaving car doors and houses unlocked, leaving bikes laying in your yard, and allowing your kids to take off on their bikes without an adult accompanying them. There's an amazing freedom to it. My kids felt it too. They reveled in their freedom. It was crazy to mentally battle not clenching my fists when my daughter asked to stay out late with a friend, even though she was within walking distance. 

Another part of that freedom came with driving. I had not driven for nearly two years before our visit. For multiple reasons. Driving was one of the first things on my list. There are a million fears that go through my head when driving in Guatemala. 

Since returning, I've come to realize how much I've let my fears grip and control me. When we first moved here, I had concerns and I was on alert. But the fear did not grip me. My freedom came through trusting Christ and his protection. I knew without a doubt we were here for a purpose and God had gone to great measures to get us here. That in itself gave me great confidence. But over time, you hear stories. Stories that instill fear. And when it hits your own home, you may cave to those fears. I did. The enemy is prowling about eager to kill and destroy. He will use what ever means necessary. In my life he saw a crack, a weakness he thought he could pry open. And it worked. I let my guard down, wasn't equipped for battle and he took advantage. 

But now that I've come face to face with my fears…acknowledging them…I've begun the process of equipping myself. Reading truths. Praying. Even begging for the trust factor to be reinstalled as part of my armor. I can feel a sort of peace coming over me. Not an overconfidence. Just a peace that allows me to live without constant fear. 

Funny thing is, it changes my perspective towards people around me too. I might start loving people better as a result of my trusting God factor. I'm still in the beginning stages. God has a lot of work to do on my still. But I'm moldable…willing to learn and grow.