So how are you handling the twins leaving? They ask.

So how are you handling the twins leaving soon? They ask.

On the outside I seem fine, I think. But on the inside I’m falling apart. I daily choose not to have a meltdown. And some days I can’t cope. I’m a mess. I feel like I’m expected to keep it together, but it’s a losing battle.

When you move to a foreign country, believing it to be your new permanent residence, you don’t really process the idea of your children growing up and returning to their home country one day. Without you. Nor all the emotions that go along with that. I’ve never been a person consumed by fears, but that very emotion has set in and messed with me beyond expectations in the past few months. They will be completely out of our hands and on their own. In a different country. But you’ve already gone through this. With Mickey. You say. Oh, but it’s completely different this time. It was hard then. Yes. But this feels harder. I feel their apprehension. Mickey had no apprehension. He was ready and couldn’t get out of here fast enough. But with Pierce and Clint it’s different. I hear their unspoken words when they come in my room and pick up Lincoln or lay down beside him to play for a minute. They know he will grow up after they’re gone and they will miss it all.

My heart already aches for every minute we will no longer share with them on a daily basis. We’ve passed so many hours with them under our wings where we can protect them, care for them, teach them and prepare them for this very moment when we release them to independence. I know they will thrive and succeed at whatever they put their hands to. This does not console my aching heart.

April 30th, we are having our first graduation for our three senior homeschooled kids from Presidents Academy, as we have appropriately named it. I’m so proud of these kids. They are each so different and unique in their own gifts and abilities. They amaze me. On May 2nd, Pierce and Clint fly to join their brother and share a house in Wyoming where he found a fencing job for them this summer. I’m super excited that they’ll all be reunited. And I’m super glad I won’t be parenting them anymore under that roof. They will be resolving their own problems on their own. 😁 They should be able to do that just fine without us. I say.

This week Kate has the opportunity to join some friends from back home who came here to do surgeries at a nearby hospital. She gets to translate and assist and observe wherever needed. She’s completely excited, showing about as much emotion on the outside as I typically see from her father. They’re so alike! This will be her test to see if she’s really cut out for the medical world. I’m thrilled for her. Isn’t Kate returning to the States this year as well, since she’s graduating? You ask. Ummm…No. We are not ready for her to be on her own at not yet 17 years of age! An emphatic statement from her daddy. We are currently exploring options for her here in this country. Waiting impatiently. What? I need to know. She wants to know. People want to know. What’s Kate doing next year? Just chill. Alright?

So now you know. It doesn’t get any easier with round two and three. Can you imagine when Kate leaves? The hysteria. He will have to hospitalize me. I’m already dying inside.