Begging for a Miracle, but Not Getting One

I lie awake late into the night, opinions running strong, yet insignificant in matters I have no control over. Somehow I play a part, but I don't really know what that is other than prayer. I want to advise, but that is not my role here. It's a feeling of helplessness and sorrow. But this is not about me. It never was.

Last Friday, Julia went to the cancer center where they performed an ultrasound and found an empty sack. She also went that day to hear a report on the cancer itself. But there were not really answers. Everything was vague. She was just told she they needed to remove the empty sack so they could begin work in removing the cancer. 

Britt and I went to her house to visit and hear her out later that afternoon. It took us a bit to understand the the empty sack part. But she immediately followed the news with her own sentiments. She believed there really was a baby in there. Upon hearing they had done an external ultrasound, we explained that before 8 weeks it is necessary to do a vaginal ultrasound, because of the size of the baby. So we suggested she have another ultrasound...somewhere else. 

Monday, Julia went to the local hospital (just 5 min's away) and had the second ultrasound. Once again, they saw no baby. So later that afternoon, they did a DnC. She came home yesterday (Wednesday). 

She is physically healing, but emotionally raw. I have not talked to her personally. Britt has observed. I believe she must have a million questions. Maybe she's feeling numb at this point. Hollow. I don't know that you ever truly heal from a miscarriage, especially one that you conceived with such significance. 

They will proceed now with treating the cancer. I don't really know those details at this point. There's talk of chemo. There had been talk of an operation. At this point, we really don't know how serious the cancer really is. We have offered the opportunity to get second opinions. But we will see. 

I know many of you who are following this story are praying. I ask that you pray for Julia not only for physical healing, but emotional as well. We have so many questions...some the answers we won't learn until we get to heaven.