Blessed by Down Syndrome

I started this blog the week Lincoln was born and had to quit in the middle. I was still dealing with heavy emotions. I’m to the point where I know I have to finish it, so bear with me as I plow my way through the rest of my thoughts. 

Lincoln Octavius Harman
6/19/16
8 lbs 15 oz  •  21"

Father’s Day baby

Three days old with severe jaundice

He’s not as grumpy as he looks

Kate took this because our good friend Terry knit the hat.

When his mouth hangs open, someone is always trying to close it. 

I call him “little boy” because he looks like a perfect little boy.

I still think his eyes could turn blue like his brother’s.

Here goes…

They laid him in my arms to feed him for the first time when I saw his eyes. I think my heart kinda stopped for a few seconds as I realized that God had probably gifted us with a Down Syndrome baby. A million thoughts went through my mind as I just stared at him. He was so beautiful in every way. Even with those slanted eyes, he seemed so perfect to me. Yet, my heart dropped as the reality struck me that we’d conceived a child who was going to be much different than what I imagined in my mind.

Later, when Britt and I were finally alone, I asked him about it. Sometime during the chaos of Lincoln’s afterbirth, my midwife had pulled Britt aside to share her suspicions. Britt was prepared for it, probably before he was born. With both of our ages being mid-forties, he knew our chances had more than doubled to conceive a DS baby. 

Awhile before he was born, I had shared my fears of the possibilities with my friend, Mary. “What if this baby is born with Downs?” I asked her. “What will I do? I don’t know if I can be that mom.” Her answer was just what I needed to hear. “You will be absolutely fine. Count yourself very blessed if you get a DS baby.” I shrugged it off at the time. But that conversation stuck with me. 

We shared the news with our kids two days after Lincoln was born. Actually, Britt did. I sat on my bed and cried, still recovering from just birthing a baby. He explained to them first of all how unlikely it was not only for us to conceive a child at our age, but also to carry him to full-term…what a miracle baby he is. Then how God put him into our specific family. That he chose us to be his family. What an honor. What a privilege. I was sobbing by this point. Even now, it brings back the tears. 

Our kids were amazing. They loved him from the start. They are amazed over his beauty and seemingly perfectness every day. Everyday, someone comments on how cute or adorable he is. And it’s very possible Lincoln will grow up thinking he has several mommies. His big brother, Reagan, has a morning routine of needing to hold him. And Lincoln often looks at him as if he recognizes him already. The sweetest thing.

Reagan’s morning time with Lincoln

When my midwife came to check on Lincoln (and me) when he was three days old, she got tears in her eyes when we started talking about his DS and she said, “He could not have been born into a more perfect family.” That comment has encouraged me so much…mostly because of who it came from. 

The road ahead seems daunting to me…journeying into a whole new world of unknowns. My questions and prayers are these: How will this affect my role in our ministry here? I know it will be more time consuming raising a DS child. We have an eleven year old boy who attends bible studies with his parents regularly who has Down Syndrome. I asked his mom once if he goes to school, and she said they don’t have schools here for kids like him, or if they do, they would never be able to afford one. Also, we’ve learned that it’s important for Lincoln to receive therapies as early on as possible. However, we live in a country where they don’t offer these opportunities for free like they do in the States (at least that we aren’t aware of). So my prayer is that we will find contacts or ministries who can help us with him for free and locally, as the likely places to find these opportunities if they exist would be in the Capital which is an hour away and stressful for traveling. 

I know for many of you that I’ve already spoken with about Lincoln, you’ve offered your encouraging words and promises of moral support. This is huge. We have a strong moral support base here among our missionary friends and church, whom we will rely on as well. We are incredibly thankful for all of you whom God has already put into place in our lives for just such a time as this.

* A special thanks to my dear friend, Christina who took so many photos both on Lincoln’s birth day, at 3 days old, and again on family photo day. She was a blessing and true gift.