It's been so long since I've shared my heart with you all. Actually, I've written 5 posts now that I never published. Sometimes it's entirely intimidating sharing my complete inner thoughts that are often controversial or opinionated with people who could possibly be disgruntled. But then who ever got anywhere in life living that way?
So I attempt to share my heart, forming observations and thoughts that penetrate my mind these days. There are many.
There's my life as a homeschool mom in a foreign country. As the boss of several employees. As the student, continually learning a new language. And more recently the student trying to learn the guitar. There's just being a mom making wise judgements everyday with kids growing faster than I can hold on to them. A wife and ministry partner, trying to balance being a good one. But lacking often. There's being a teacher of those trying to better understand God's word. And just knowing that I do things daily that are observed that don't represent my Savior well. There's being a friend and loving people that may be difficult to love. Others whom are very easy.
Life is hard here. Not so much for me personally. But for the people here. There's so much in life. Every day, it seems there is something. It's not just with the poor. It's with people in general. Maybe I was too sheltered in our former life. Everything here is raw and open. It can't be hidden. At least, not for long.
There's the drinking and drugs. The abuse. The debts. The thieving. The liars. The promiscuous. The cheaters. The malicious. It's a broken world. It's not just here. But here is where we are, and who we deal with.
On the other hand, there are people that rise above in spite of the afore mentioned. They love people even when they've been lied to. They love people even though they've been robbed and cheated. They love people that have abused and been abused. They represent our Jesus and make a difference.
A few weeks ago, I heard a quote by Gandhi that struck me and I have been obsessing over it ever since. He said, "I like your Christ, I don't like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." As I've contemplated this statement, I've rolled through many emotions. Anger at Christians. Pity on Christians. Justification of Christians. But lastly, I landed on determination that I wouldn't be one of them. However, not that it's a cop-out, but we aren't perfect people. And. Christ was perfect. So to try on my own would be in vain. Christ through me is the only way. So as I face my days with imperfect people, I can pray and do my best through Christ to represent him well. I will fail. And I will be judged. But in the end, if my overall reflection in life is that of Christ, I will not have failed. My life is not my own. It is His and for His glory alone.
So I attempt to share my heart, forming observations and thoughts that penetrate my mind these days. There are many.
There's my life as a homeschool mom in a foreign country. As the boss of several employees. As the student, continually learning a new language. And more recently the student trying to learn the guitar. There's just being a mom making wise judgements everyday with kids growing faster than I can hold on to them. A wife and ministry partner, trying to balance being a good one. But lacking often. There's being a teacher of those trying to better understand God's word. And just knowing that I do things daily that are observed that don't represent my Savior well. There's being a friend and loving people that may be difficult to love. Others whom are very easy.
Life is hard here. Not so much for me personally. But for the people here. There's so much in life. Every day, it seems there is something. It's not just with the poor. It's with people in general. Maybe I was too sheltered in our former life. Everything here is raw and open. It can't be hidden. At least, not for long.
There's the drinking and drugs. The abuse. The debts. The thieving. The liars. The promiscuous. The cheaters. The malicious. It's a broken world. It's not just here. But here is where we are, and who we deal with.
On the other hand, there are people that rise above in spite of the afore mentioned. They love people even when they've been lied to. They love people even though they've been robbed and cheated. They love people that have abused and been abused. They represent our Jesus and make a difference.
A few weeks ago, I heard a quote by Gandhi that struck me and I have been obsessing over it ever since. He said, "I like your Christ, I don't like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." As I've contemplated this statement, I've rolled through many emotions. Anger at Christians. Pity on Christians. Justification of Christians. But lastly, I landed on determination that I wouldn't be one of them. However, not that it's a cop-out, but we aren't perfect people. And. Christ was perfect. So to try on my own would be in vain. Christ through me is the only way. So as I face my days with imperfect people, I can pray and do my best through Christ to represent him well. I will fail. And I will be judged. But in the end, if my overall reflection in life is that of Christ, I will not have failed. My life is not my own. It is His and for His glory alone.
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