Spreading His Wings

As I pounded on my sons arm in great anger, it hit me hard. His eyes didn’t say he was angry back nor did he laugh at my weakness. His look was that of confusion. I yelled at him that he was trying to do things that he knows I hate just to make me want to get rid of him sooner. I told him that one side of me wants to just let him leave RIGHT NOW. But the other side of me is dying inside. Why do these kids have to grow up and leave the nest?

I must say, he has been my very most difficult kid to raise. I’ve treated him different then all the others, because his personality challenges me so. I spent more hours in the bathroom (the discipline room) then all the other kids combined. When he was eighteen months, I didn’t think I could be his mom anymore. Didn’t help that I was ready to give birth to twins. I asked my friends how much longer this would last…this battle. They told me probably around three or so. I just about died. Because, surely I could not do this for another eighteen months.

at one yr

was his fave place

they just saw a dolphin

Before I knew it, he turned eleven. Nobody warned me about eleven. And I was starting to think eleven was worse than three. And my friends told me that it only lasts for a year. I was freaking out. Because I knew I would have two more eleven year olds so very soon. We survived eleven. Although, there were so many days that I would call Britt and he would have to come home to take care of what I could not.

superb position

brotherly love

Love this

mick and sarah

selfie

showing his steer at the fair

Then the child started high school. This is where my kids become independent students. Only I let it go a little. Maybe a lot. School was like a whole new world for the rest of us, as we weren’t pestered by constant complaints about how stupid school is and “When will we ever need to know this stuff anyway?”.

his football goal that he made with his grandpa

his fave dog Bruno

his bike trials days

love that look

Then we moved to Guatemala.

my good looking boys

The child was not down with that. Oh my. It’s one thing to change cultures with an easy child. But quite a different story with the hard ones. And how he is such the leader. Every.day.the.comments. Before we knew it, he had all seven convinced we’d made a mistake with our move.

Then he stayed behind for two months after our return to the States in March/April. When he returned, he was so different. I liked him a lot. He was so kind and helpful and life wasn’t all about himself. But it didn’t take long and routine brought the old him back. He didn’t need me anymore. He was self-sufficient. He did his own laundry. But I wanted to do it. Why do they have to grow up?

There’s something special about that hardest child. He’s close to my heart. Although I don’t often enough tell him so. My mind works like his on some things. Others not so much. And he’s so much like his Dad too. So even though in a split second he can set me ablaze, I see myself looking in the mirror.

I love his determination. I love his loyalty. His drive. His focus.

Mexico visa renewal trip

I still believe he can do great things. How he will get to that point will only come through many many many hours of prayer. His path may not be my first pick for him at the moment. But he’s of age. And he must follow his own path now.

He’s leaving the nest early. It’s hard to keep a bird caged when all he wants is to be free. To be honest, I’m having a hard time. Never thought I would. I mean, think of how peaceful it will be here without the hard one. But then again, that's what brings life to our house.

Jocotenango…employee of Finca Filadelfia

My friends say it gets easier. I have to believe them once again. I have to trust that the Creator has him in His hands. I do. It’s still hard. I cried myself to sleep last night.

viewing Fuego erupting from our cupola

Love you Mickey Harman. Always.

Btw…He found a job working on a ranch in South Dakota. He wants to be there by December. See what I mean?