Be Still, My Anxious Heart

It's rather surreal...actually being here...in the country where God has sent us to serve. I didn't have a whole lot of time to think about what life would really be like upon arrival. The last two months were so intense, concentrating on closing out our life in Indiana. I stayed up late, getting as much done while the house was quiet and the little guys were not wrecking everything I was trying to do. I'd wake up early with this frantic feeling like I wouldn't get it all done.  I was running on adrenalin. I don't know how else to explain it. Because normally, when I am not getting sufficient sleep, I get sick. Somehow, God spared me. 

I  had this queasy feeling in my stomach for at least two months. The only time I can think to compare it to is college...having an art project due and not knowing how I could possibly get it done on time. I always did, even if I had to stay up all night. Having the queasy stomach from the anxiety, makes food sound repulsive...not-to-mention not wanting to interrupt what I was doing to take the time to eat. So I lost a bunch of weight. Funny, I'd been wanting to lose that weight for years, but just couldn't make it come off. Who would have thought it would take moving my family to Guatemala to make it happen. 

As I walked through the airport after arriving in Guatemala weighed down with my bags, little boys' bags and holding as tightly as I could to their hands, while straining to see that all 5 carts holding 27 pieces of luggage being pushed by Britt and the four oldest kids maneuvered their way through the very crowded airport (two of their olympians had also just arrived) without losing anyone or any piece of luggage, climaxed this anxiety that had been welling up in my stomach. Mark and Gina were anxiously waiting right outside the exit doors. As soon as they could, they quick hugged us and than corralled us through the crowd and toward the parking garage. Great timing, those Olympians arriving at the same time. They  didn't even notice what would otherwise have been quite the scene. As Gina and I stood and waited for the others to cross the street, she squeezed my hand and asked, "You okay"? I just shook my head and fought the tears from flowing uncontrollably down my face. Sure I was "okay". But not really, yet. My butterflies were having a major party in my belly and I felt like I could puke. 

Today, three days after arriving, my anxiety is almost gone. Only "almost" because we still have pending all our belongings to be shipped and two vehicles yet to be sold (which have to be sold in order to obtain a vehicle here). We have by now, settled in an amazingly lovely brick cottage, obtained new cell phones and a very unreliable wi-fi connection (so who knows when I'll actually be able to post this blog), and purchased and filled a brand new fridge as well as a new gas stove (which is way nicer than the one with the one burner that worked that I left behind). I'm hoping to record a walk through our new home here to give you all a good idea of what it's like. I feel so blessed.